Memorable quotes from Kirsten Cohen from the first three seasons of The O.C..

Season 1Edit

The Model HomeEdit

Seth: You remember the meatloaf incident of '98?
Kirsten Cohen: That was brisket.
Seth: That's my point exactly.

The GambleEdit

Kirsten: Ryan's gonna stay with us now.

The DebutEdit

Kirsten: Seth, we need to talk to Ryan.
Seth: Okay. If this has to do with the rug, I just want to tell you that Ryan had nothing to do with it.
Kirsten: What about the rug?

The RescueEdit

Kirsten: We're leaving.
Sandy: But I wore a jacket!

The HeightsEdit

Kirsten: Doesn't Seth look rad?
Sandy: Seth does look rad. Mad props, son.

The HomecomingEdit

Kirsten: You think Ryan's okay?
Sandy: I think he'll be okay. He needs to do this.
Kirsten: Okay. Let me get in there, do some flipping.
Sandy: No no! Honey, honey! Seth really likes corn.
Kirsten: How do you expect me to get better?
Sandy: I don't. I'm sorry, but I don't. I'm sorry, but the boys and I made a pact.
Kirsten: A pact?
Sandy: A solemn promise.
Kirsten: When?
Sandy: You were in the bathroom.

Kirsten: We're just working away.
Seth: Okay, if by "we" you're referring to yourself then somebody violated the pact.
Kirsten: I am merely opening the wine. A skill I feel confident about.
Seth: No argument here.

Caleb: Well it looks like we'll be here awhile. Ready to talk?
Kirsten: Fresh margs?

The LinksEdit

Kirsten: She looks good. Her spirits are high.
Caleb: She's high?
Kirsten: No. She's doing good. She's very up.
Caleb: She's on uppers?

The RivalsEdit

Kirsten: Aspirational? Is that even a word?

The TruthEdit

Kirsten: You want me to break up with her?
Caleb: I knew you would understand.

The HeartbreakEdit

Sandy: Lots of couples golf together.
Kirsten: Shortly before dying of old age.

Sandy: What are we even fighting about?
Kirsten: I'm not sure but it's serious!

Seth: Dad, I need advice about women.
Sandy: You've come to the master.

(Kirsten snickers)

Sandy: You married me.
Kirsten: I was young, impressionable, and drunk.
Seth: Only child, right here.

Kirsten: Sometimes you make it so hard to hate you.
Sandy: I know!

The TelenovelaEdit

Kirsten: He's a consultant.
Sandy: Could you be please be a little more vague?
Kirsten: He knows people.
Sandy: You did it. That was more vague.

Kirsten: I sense sarcasm.
Seth: Well, you're perceptive, mother.

Sandy: You did musicals? I did a musical when I was in college.
Kirsten: Oh, please, someone stop him before he breaks into "Grease Lightning."
Seth: Do it, Dad! Travolta's your bitch!

The ProposalEdit

Kirsten: My dad is marrying Julie Cooper. Julie Cooper is my step-mom!
Sandy: Maybe we should get you another bottle.
Jimmy: Yea drink up!

Caleb: I need to get back to my bride-to-be.
Kirsten: Oh yeah. Definitely might vomit.

The ShowerEdit

Kirsten: So he bought your acceptance?
Sandy: At a really high price.

Ryan: I can't believe your mom was into heavy metal.
Kirsten: I can't believe she ever went to Anaheim.

Kirsten: It's so good. It's only 1500 calories per sip.

Sandy: What am I supposed to do?
Kirsten: Explain it to him. Instead of matching him glare-for-glare.

Sandy: So, are you ready to face the happy couple?
Kirsten: You mean the gruesome twosome?

Kirsten: I have some concealer upstairs you can use. Works miracles.
Sandy: She's right. You should see her without it. Horrible.

Kirsten: I am never throwing another party again.
Sandy: Don't tease.
Kirsten: I'm serious, nothing good ever happens at our parties. Have you noticed that?

The StripEdit

Hailey: Can I ask you? How do you get yourself into these things?
Kirsten: I don't know.

Kirsten: There are four male strippers, dressed as firemen dancing in our living room.
Sandy: Theme-stripping. You gotta love that.
Kirsten: Oh, wait, now they're not dressed as anything at all.
Sandy: Try to keep them off of the furniture, honey.

The Ties That BindEdit

Kirsten: I have my secret recipe. It's takeout.

Kirsten: You won't want to drive. I'm an excellent driver and an amazing parker.

Sandy: And Kirsten's not even a hugger.
Kirsten: You always know how to ruin a moment.

Season 2Edit

The DistanceEdit

Kirsten: Are you doing that thing where you think that I'm ignoring you, so you start speaking gibberish to see if I'm listening?
Sandy: Aw. You were listening.
Kirsten: Nope.

Sandy: Sometimes the best thing is for a kid to have some space.
Kirsten: The Pacific Ocean? That's not enough space?

The Way We WereEdit

Sandy: What I said in there, it wasn't about you.
Kirsten: Thank god. 'Cause you were scary.

Kirsten: Sandy?
Sandy: Honey, I'm mid-shmear.

The New Kids on the BlockEdit

Kirsten: You quit?
Sandy: Quit slash got fired.

Sandy: Does the light of dawn make any of this easier to take?
Kirsten: Harder, actually.

The SnO.C.Edit

Kirsten: I don't want you getting into trouble over this.
Sandy: Oh, honey, I think it's a little late for that.

The Chrismukkah That Almost Wasn'tEdit

Kirsten: Oy, humbug
Seth: Oy, humbug.

The Family TiesEdit

Kirsten: Ah! If it isn't my son the wino.
Seth: You guys found out?
Kirsten: Well, you weren't exactly stealth.

The Ex-FactorEdit

Kirsten: We have ordered enough for a small army.

The Second ChanceEdit

Kirsten: Ryan, whatever you did can be undone. Candies, flowers? Work miracles.
Ryan: Actually it's not something I did. Although thanks for your confidence. It's your dad.
Kirsten: Ah, the one man impervious to miracles. What happened?
Ryan: Well, Lindsay reached out to him. Or I did for her. There was a meal. Um, there was supposed to be a meal. Um... we went to a restaurant.
Kirsten: Oh, god, What did he say?
Ryan: He didn't actually take out his checkbook, but he might as well have.
Kirsten: He thought she wanted money? Wow, he must have gotten her confused with my other sister... Or his wife.
Ryan: Look, I'm not the biggest fan of your dad—no offense—but I mean, Luke Skywalker was happy to have a dad, even if it was Darth Vader.
Kirsten: You're right, she needs a dad.

Kirsten: You accused her of wanting money! Not that you've ever viewed that as a personality flaw before.

Kirsten: Well didn't you use that Luke Skywalker/Darth Vader analogy?
Ryan: She poked a serious hole in that analogy.

Kirsten: Listen, nobody has been crushed by our dad more than me.
Lindsay: Hey, well, there's a club I want to join.

Kirsten: That's the last time I try cooking.

Caleb: Actually I've never been better.
Kirsten: Are you on morphine?

The Lonely Hearts ClubEdit

Kirsten: Don't try to get off on a technicality. This is about our marriage.

The TestEdit

Kirsten: Well it wouldn't be the Cohen house if didn't have law enforcement.

The Rainy Day WomenEdit

Sandy: I feel like we've become like strangers.
Kirsten: Well, I was told never to talk to strangers.

Kirsten: Lindsay, no matter what happens, you'll always be a part of the family.

Kirsten: You took the bus.
Sandy: I told you, nothing could keep me away from you.
Kirsten: Is it over?
Sandy: I can promise you it never started.

The Blaze of GloryEdit

Kirsten: He wants to take it beyond gossip and dish. Focus on culture, the local art scene.
Sandy: So it's really more of a pamphlet than a magazine.

Carter: This magazine is just a photo opportunity for 55 year old women with 25 year old breasts.
Kirsten: But this is chance to turn this community upside-down. Be subversive, irreverent.
Carter: I'd rather be drunk.

The Risky BusinessEdit

Sandy: We were talking about hanging out next week. Maybe get some drinks.
Kirsten: Well he definitely likes drinks.

The RagerEdit

Carter: Kirsten, congratulations. As of this morning you are a bona fide magazine publisher.
Kirsten: I know. The first issue's on the stands.
Carter: I was referring to our first libel suit.
Kirsten: What?

The O.C. ConfidentialEdit

Kirsten: Except for my hair issues, great call on the convertible.
Carter: Well, that's the way the California coast was meant to be seen. And your hair looks great.
Kirsten: Liar. For your punishment I control the radio on the way home.
Carter: No. No one who has won on American Idol ever sings in my car.

Kirsten: How many wines have we tasted?
Carter: According to my notes, I stopped taking notes.
Kirsten: Should we fire ourselves for drinking on the job?
Carter: Drinking was the job. And I did my job rather well because I'm hammered.

Kirsten: Neither of us are actually in the right shape to drive just yet, so—.
Sandy: A little too much of the Indian Spirit, huh?

The Return of the NanaEdit

Carter: So, I hope you don't think I'm jumping ship.
Kirsten: Because you are.

The ShowdownEdit

Sandy: Do you think I look like Tony Blair?
Kirsten: Uh, you have nicer hair.
Sandy: Good hair, leader of Great Britain. I would call it a wash.

Julie: Oh my gosh. How much vodka did you put in this?
Kirsten: Normal amount. Little less.

The O.SeaEdit

Caleb: Did you give any thought to your kids?
Kirsten: I am a good mother.
Caleb: You are also an alcoholic. Your mother was one, too. She did her best to hide it, but I always knew.
Kirsten: Why do you think mom drank the way she did? Why do you think Hailey left the house at 17? If this family is screwed up it's because of you.
Caleb: I gave you everything you ever needed.
Kirsten: I may like my Chardonnay but I am not going to die alone and that's more than I can say for you!

The Dearly BelovedEdit

Kirsten: Nothing made him more proud than your getting your life together. Me? Last time I saw him I told him he was going to die alone.

Kirsten: Oh, don't you say a word. I let you into this house.
Ryan: Yeah, you did. Because my own mom couldn't take care of me. Because she wouldn't get help even though I asked her to. I don't want to see that happen again to someone I love.

Season 3Edit

The End of InnocenceEdit

Kirsten: I'm home.

The Last WaltzEdit

Kirsten: Dr. Butcher said I should confront my fears. And mine is cooking.
Sandy: So's mine.
Kirsten: Well, we'll confront my cooking together.

Kirsten (about the Newport Group): It's time to let it go.

The SwellsEdit

Charlotte: Sounds like a wonderful cause.
Julie: So you'll help us throw it?
Kirsten: Actually I told myself I'd wait awhile until I jump back into all that. You know those Newpsies. Make you want to drink.

The Anger ManagementEdit

Sandy: I fired four people today. I'm not sure I'm cut out for this job.
Kirsten: I'm glad you're upset.
Sandy: Good pep talk!
Kirsten: It means you care.

Sandy: I forget. You are your father's daughter.
Kirsten: No. I'm your wife.

The Game PlanEdit

Kirsten: Sandy, I'm going crazy.
Sandy: What?
Kirsten: It's the sifting, the kneading, the measuring. I can't take it anymore. I need to get out of the kitchen.

Julie: Kirsten, I don't need your charity.
Kirsten: Then why are you living in a trailer?

Sandy: ...I didn't have a costume so when I went over to pick her up I put a bag over my head.
Kirsten: I felt like I was dating the Elephant Man.

The DisconnectEdit

Kirsten: Who wants to see their maids nude?
Julie: Not maids, Kirsten. They're strippers.
Kirsten: Who wants a stripper doing their laundry?

The Chrismukkah Bar Mitz-vahkkahEdit

Sandy: You mark my words. This will be the best Chrismukkah ever.
Kirsten: You're beginning to sound like Seth.
Sandy: Well, that just means you'll miss him less when he's gone.

Sandy: What did I tell ya!
Kirsten: Best. Chrismukkah. Ever.

The Sister ActEdit

Kirsten: Veronica. What are you doing here?
Veronica: Hello, Kirsten. I hear you and Julie are starting a new dating service. I want you to set me up with the delicious Dr. Neil Roberts.
Kirsten: The father of Marissa's best friend? The girl you called "Little Miss Columbine" at last week's board meeting?

Kirsten: So drink up, enjoy, and flirt.

The Pot StirrerEdit

Kirsten: I just know that when you wooed me, there was no caviar and champagne, and you did alright.
Sandy: I should take Bill Merriam out for pizza and bad wine in the back of a mail truck.
Kirsten: I mean show him who you are beyond schedules and budgets. And who knows, maybe he loves pizza.

Kirsten: Since you haven't kissed yet you might want to hold off on the redecorating.

The CliffhangerEdit

Julie: I'm impressed. You're sneakier than I thought, Kirsten Cohen.
Kirsten: Well, being around you all these years, it's rubbed off.

Julie: I tried taking your advice, KiKi. And quite frankly, it sucked. From now on we do things the Julie Cooper way.
Kirsten: Julie Cooper, be careful.

Sandy: Who would have thought the Newport Group would be where I go for to a moment of Zen?
Kirsten: You know, sometimes this job makes you do a lot of hard thinking.
Sandy: I want this hospital more than I've wanted anything in a long time.
Kirsten: Then you can't let Matt's relationship with Maya Griffin stand in your way. For all you know, she could be using him too. Or they could live happily ever after. The point is, if you want this as bad as I think you do, you have to go for it.
Sandy: So where is the line?
Kirsten: I'm not worried about you knowing where the line is. You always do. It's who you are.

The Heavy LiftingEdit

Kirsten: Julie, last time you went on a stealth mission, you toppled the dessert tray.
Julie: Yeah, but it did get his attention.

Kirsten: This is a fantasy I'm not aware of.

The Road WarriorEdit

Kirsten: Maybe you two should stop sneaking around and go public.
Julie: I don't disagree. And neither does my chiropractor.

The JourneyEdit

(Kirsten walks in on Sandy packing a suitcase)

Kirsten: Wow. The day has finally come. Sandy Cohen is leaving me.

The UndertowEdit

Kirsten: Just because a girl isn't tied to some train tracks, doesn't mean she should be ignored.

The Secrets and LiesEdit

Kirsten: I don't know if I'm a fan of Yakuza films. It was an interesting movie. But a fun night.

The Dawn PatrolEdit

Sandy: You'd think after sending two kids to Harbor they could cough up more than two tickets per student.
Kirsten: He's just worried about The Nana.
Sandy: She is an excellent clapper.
Seth: She can do the two-finger whistle.
Kirsten: And she's never taken a picture out of focus.

: Kirsten: Well whatever happens, you have at least one proud mother watching you when you graduate.

The College TryEdit

Kirsten: I'd like to propose a toast. To Sandy Cohen. Who has told me countless times over the past year how important this hospital is to him. You know, they say that when you grow up you marry your father. I thought I'd escaped that.

The Party FavorEdit

Kirsten: When are we gonna talk about us?
Sandy: In public again, or were you thinking about something a little more private this time?
Kirsten: I'm sorry I attacked you. But it at least got you to listen.

Kirsten: I am not going to use my alcoholism to save our marriage. If he can't value it for what it is, then what is the point?

The Man of The YearEdit

Sandy: Honey, I promise you I'll do everything in my power not to let this land on the family.
Kirsten: It already has.

The GraduatesEdit

Dawn: Wow. It seems like forever since I've been here.
Kirsten: Let me take your bags.
Dawn: Of course maybe I was just too drunk to remember. Kidding. I'm doing good.
Kirsten: It seems that way.