Memorable quotes from
Sandy Cohen during Season 2 of The O.C.. For quotes from other seasons, see Memorable Quotes by Sandy Cohen.
Kirsten: You're doing that thing where you think that I'm ignoring you, so you start speaking gibberish to see if I'm listening.
Sandy: Aw. You were listening.
Sandy: Since when is Scotch part of a nutritious brunch?
Sandy: Have dinner with us. I won't cook, I promise. Although if Kirsten's mad enough at you, she might.
Sandy: Don't say anything. I'll follow you to the station. to the arresting officer. I'm his lawyer.
Kirsten: You quit?
Sandy: Quit slash got fired.
Caleb: When I have champagne I get giggly.
Sandy: When do you ever get giggly?
Caleb: What do you suggest I do?
Sandy: I suggest you find a way to make it up to Kirsten now. Unless you want Julie to be your lawyer too.
Sandy: She's agreed to an supervised visit. 20 minutes, max.
Caleb: She's my daughter, I don't need to be supervised.
Sandy: No, I'm supervising her. I'm afraid she might kill you.
Sandy: What could he have done that would be so terrible he'd rather go to jail?... Unless, life with Julie Cooper...
Kirsten: I don't want you getting into trouble over this.
Sandy: Oh, honey, I think it's a little late for that.
Sandy: Never underestimate a parent's ability to mortify his children.
Sandy: Even if you were having an affair, 16 years is an awfully long time to be paying alimony... Unless there's a child.
Sandy: Facing Kirsten and Julie has got to be better than going to jail.
Sandy: I've had so many clandestine meetings lately I feel like I'm in an Oliver Stone movie.
Sandy: I'm guessing it's too soon to joke Seth. Even for a Cohen.
Jimmy: I've got terrible news, really. I've fallen in love with my ex-wife.
Sandy: You were married before Julie?
Marissa: I brought bagels.
Sandy: Well that's the secret password into the Cohen household.
Sandy: Nothing like Julie Cooper to put fear into the hearts of children.
Sandy: We can't fight a war on multiple fronts. Have we learned nothing from the Nazis?
Sandy: Ask me while you're giving me the massage. I'm inclined to say yes.
Sandy: Okay, honey, I don't want to alarm you, but there's a giant Julie Cooper on the table.
Sandy: It's my fault. I've once again gotten caught up in this nasty game of Hungry, Hungry Hippo.
Gail: As you can see, it's a bit of a fixer-upper.
Kirsten: That's one way to put it.
Sandy: Who are you kidding, Gail? This place is a first-class dump. And I like it!
Kirsten: You're going to prison?
Sandy: Oh, just for the day.
Sandy: I can see how that might salt your game.
Rebecca: "Salt my game"? Is that how they talk in Orange County?
Sandy: Stick around, you'll be saying "rad" in no time.
Rebecca: We should celebrate!
Sandy: Yeah, I'll go rent out Chucky Cheese.
Sandy: Yeah, while I'm harboring a fugitive I'll go score some pot on the street.
Sandy: There are days that I think me and Kirsten are bulletproof. I don't wanna test that theory.
Kirsten: Have you seen Seth?
Sandy: Well I've smelled him. Smells like Teen Spirit to me.
Ryan: (about Hellboy}: He tries to do good but he usually ends up destroying everything.
Sandy: Ah, good. My kinda hero.
Kirsten: You took the bus.
Sandy: I told you, nothing could keep me away from you.
Kirsten: Is it over?
Sandy: I can promise you it never started.
Seth: Ah. Father. I'm glad to see you finally found your calling.
Caleb: Exactly what I said.
Sandy: Ah, nothing like a good crack about a plumber.
Caleb: You really want that ring, don't you?
Sandy: More than anything.
Caleb: I'll get more quarters.
Kirsten: He wants to take it beyond gossip and dish. Focus on culture, the local art scene.
Sandy: So it's really more of a pamphlet than a magazine.
Sandy: Julie, you scared me. More than usual.
Julie: Always a pleasure, Sanford.
Sandy: Only Caleb gets to call me Sanford because he won't not.
Sandy: So you started out with a porn director and ended up with Caleb. I'd consider that a lateral move.
Sandy: Only a couple of weeks in Newport and already his spirit is crushed.
Julie: Please tell me you have some news.
Sandy: Well unfortunately Lance is as sleazy as he looks but not as dumb.
Julie: I am so screwed.
Sandy: I know. I saw the footage.
Kirsten: I know Trey is the only family that Ryan has and I do think that we should help him—
Sandy: But you're scared I'll want to adopt him.
Sandy: Well, this is the crib.
Seth: Yeah, a divided house can not eat. Now we all gotta get together between a single action hero.
Sandy: Steve McQueen.
Seth: Steve Ma-who?
Sandy: My own son doesn't know Steve McQueen.
Trey: You know a lot of people like Great Escape. I gotta go with Bullit.
Sandy: He cooks breakfast and a McQueen fan. I knew I liked you.
Seth: He surfs, he sings, he practically fights crime. Maybe Sandy Cohen could be our action hero.
Sandy: Just say the word, son.
Sandy: He very chivalrous, not unlike a young Steve McQueen.
Sandy: So a charity event where the donors keep half the profits and a yardsale with no yard. Hm. So that's how they do it in the OC.
Kirsten: Sandy, it's an honorary chair. A figure-head position. You'd be the master of ceremonies, like an auctioneer. And you know what an MC has.
Sandy: An unfair advantage. You know the opponent's weakness.
Kirsten: That's right. A microphone. On stage. With an audience. A captive audience.
Sandy: And a few showtunes, perhaps.
Kirsten: You just have to go by the Club today and say hello.
Sandy: Just a figurehead?
Kirsten: With a mic.
Sandy: Hey, guys. I'm chairing The OC Pseudo-Charity Non-Yard sale.
Newpsie: The job of the chair is to choose table linens, flatware, centerpieces.
Sandy: Alright, okay. I'll help Trey with the lifting.
Sandy: Joanne. Tell me you didn't order those napkin rings? This is not a mob wedding.
Joanne: Gosh, Sandy, I thought they were kind of fun.
Sandy: Okay, folks, here's a beautiful Erté-esque statue. Yes, indeed. Very fetching. What do we start the bidding at? $75. I guess it's more "esque" than Erté.
Sandy: I tell you the timing in this household is a thing of beauty.
Sandy: You're just out of practice. Everybody hits themselves in the face with the board.
Carter: Three times in one wave?
Sandy: Well, that was impressive.
Kirsten: Hey Carter. You look nice.
Carter: Sandy told me to spiff it up a bit.
Sandy: Yeah, I didn't want him to embarrass us.
Kirsten: Neither of us are actually in the right shape to drive just yet, so—.
Sandy: A little too much of the Indian Spirit, huh?
Bobby: She's a great lady, huh? Your mom. Quite the pistol.
Sandy: I always thought of her as more of an AK-47.
Sandy: Look at Ma. A cell phone.
The Nana: I'm very hip.
Sandy: I guess so.
The Nana: I just can't read the buttons.
Sandy: Do you think I look like Tony Blair?
Kirsten: Uh, you have nicer hair.
Sandy: Good hair, leader of Great Britain. I would call it a wash.
Sandy: Did you have an affair with him?
Kirsten: You don't get it, do you?
Sandy: Caleb Nichol was not a man of many words. He was however a brilliant man. He leaves a legacy of possibility. But his true achievement were his children. He was a caring father, a wonderful grandfather, a truly terrible father-in-law... So, he may be gone, but he won't soon be forgotten. Rest in peace, Caleb. And if you can't do that, I'm sure heaven could use a few more McMansions.
Julie: If it would help, I could take over Kirsten Watch for awhile.
Sandy: I don't know if anything's gonna help.
Julie: So then let her glower at me. I'm used to it.
Sandy: Unfortunately, so am I these days. Thank you Julie.
Hailey: How long has this been going on?
Sandy: Too long. Last night sealed the deal. She's getting help whether she wants it or not.
Sandy: You are a part of it. Whether you want to or not. You want to run away again? Get in your boat and sail away? Your mother needs you.