Memorable quotes from Sandy Cohen during Season 3 of The O.C.. For quotes from other seasons, see Memorable Quotes by Sandy Cohen.

The AftermathEdit

The Cops: We're looking for Ryan Atwood.
Sandy: You're a little late, I'm afraid.

Sandy: Glad to see the jumpsuit still fits.

Jimmy: I'm trying to protect my family, too.
Sandy: Right. Because family means so much to you.
Jimmy: What's that supposed to mean?
Sandy: That means what are you doing back in Newport? Caleb dies. Boom. Suddenly you show up.

Ryan: What happened?
Sandy: You have a hell of a girlfriend. And if you two get married you'll have a hell of a mother-in-law. But you're free.

The Shape of Things to ComeEdit

Sandy: She kept this place in tip top shape without so much as picking up a sponge.
Ryan: Yeah. How did she do that?
Seth: Her presence kept us neat, Ryan, It's her protestant evil eye. It's a powerful thing.
Sandy: She's a woman of many talents.

Sandy: Jimmy couldn't make it?
Julie: He's working. Business associate from Hawaii showed up.
Sandy: Ah, just as well. One Montague, one Capulet. That should be plenty.

Charlotte: If she tried to be the perfect mother and the perfect wife...
Sandy: She may never come home.

The End of InnocenceEdit

Sandy: Is there anything I need to know?
Jimmy: No no I mean. No, are you kidding, everything's fantastic. I just wanted to give my fiancée a little peace of mind.
Sandy: Well anything for the soon-to-be Mrs. Cooper-Nichol-Cooper.

Ryan: You and I are both here because someone gave us a break. Now Marissa needs one.
Sandy: Well, I think having Kirsten gone is making me all sentimental. Or maybe my brain is fried from doing all these real estate deals. Your plan poses a myriad of obstacles.
Ryan: Anything you can do. Thank you.

The Last WaltzEdit

Kirsten: Dr. Butcher said I should confront my fears. And mine is cooking.
Sandy: So's mine.
Kirsten: Well, we'll confront my cooking together.

Sandy: Honey, I got everything on the list, including a little Chunky Monkey that's mostly for me. Alright, it's all for me. Best. Ben and Jerry's. Ever.

The Perfect StormEdit

Kirsten: Sit. You are having Eggs Benedict Gruyere avec Paté de Foie.
Sandy: Something smells... fancy.

Summer: She's got Dean Hess in her back pocket, front, and who knows where else.

Sandy: Well. One kid dropping out of school and the other kid lying. I thought today was going to be boring.

Sandy: I for one, I love The Tofu. Tofuna. Tofurkey. Tobagel. Cream Tocheese. Too much?

Sandy: Well you've beaten the Sandy Cohen mind meld.

Dean Hess: I take it from the surreptitious nature of your phone call that you had something urgent to discuss.
Sandy: Surreptitious. Good word. No wonder they made you a dean.

The SwellsEdit

Sandy: I'll have to think about this. You know what that means, don't you? I gotta ask my wife.

Kirsten: I thought you loathed corporate America.
Sandy: Oh I do. I loathe it all. The greed, Republicans, navy suits.

Sandy: I haven't had tequila in forever.
Matt: Then we should have a whole bottle. Game on, man.
Sandy: What's next? A frat party at UC?
Matt: No, I just wanted to celebrate.
Sandy: Listen I expect you to take this job seriously. I'm not gonna be out drinking with you every night after work. Weekends maybe. And tonight. Game on, Matt.
Matt: Game on, boss.

The Anger ManagementEdit

Sandy: I fired four people today. I'm not sure I'm cut out for this job.
Kirsten: I'm glad you're upset.
Sandy: Good pep talk!
Kirsten: It means you care.

Sandy: I forget. You are your father's daughter.
Kirsten: No. I'm your wife.
Sandy: Good answer.

The Game PlanEdit

Sandy: Cardiobar is crawling with Newpsies! How bored are you?

Ryan: What happens on vacations? Do I stay in the poolhouse?
Sandy: No matter where you go, this will always be your home.

Sandy: Yeah, you missed my story about playing Nanki-Poo in The Mikado.

The DisconnectEdit

Julie: Sandy, I don't think I'm in favor of low income housing.
Kirsten: Julie, you live in a trailer park.
Julie: And I'm highly motivated to change my circumstances. If you make being poor too comfortable, what's the incentive to get rich? Believe me, if anyone should know.
Sandy: On that uplifting note, I'll leave you two to hash out the finer points of the free market economy.

Kirsten: Is that a pirate costume?
Seth: Summer and I are at war.
Sandy: A pirate war?
Seth: Well it turns out Brown usually takes only one student from Harbor and we both want to be it so I need a hook.
Sandy: Oh, you mean like a Captain Hook?

Kirsten: Summer going to Brown? I mean no offense...
Sandy: She did save Chrismukkah.

The Chrismukkah Bar Mitz-vahkkahEdit

Sandy: I tell you, the air is crisp. It must be 70 degrees out there.

Sandy: You mark my words. This will be the best Chrismukkah ever.
Kirsten: You're beginning to sound like Seth.
Sandy: Well, that just means you'll miss him less when he's gone.

Sandy: A bar mitzvah? For Ryan?
Seth: Oo. It just makes me all tingly hearing you say it.
Sandy: Do you have any idea how offensive that is?

Sandy: It's a sacred religious event. A tradition that marks a Jewish child's obligation to observe the ten commandments.
Seth: I'm sorry. And that's the problem with the Jews right there. We have no concept of marketing.

Seth: That was remarkable timing, my mom right there.
Sandy: Oy, humbug.

Sandy: That's because Ryan Atwood: you're a mensch. And after tonight I'm gonna tell you what that means.

The Safe HarborEdit

Ryan: We need a parent advocate to address the board. Would you?
Sandy: A good cause? Poor odds? A chance to ruffle some Newpsie feathers? How could I say no?

Marissa: Thanks so much for doing this.
Ryan: It really means a lot.
Sandy: Ornery judge, captive audience, righteousness on my side. I feel right at home.

The Sister ActEdit

Sandy: We can't give into threats like that. We don't negotiate with the Newpsies.

Sandy: Do you know Veronica Townsend?
Neil: Do I know Veronica Townsend? Sandy, I know every former A-cup in this town.
Sandy: Well how would you feel about having dinner with her tonight?
Neil: You mean a date?
Sandy: Look, I know she is a bitch on wheels, but she wants to go out with you. And she's willing to make Marissa's life at Harbor very difficult if it doesn't go through.
Neil: Oh c'mon, Sandy. That's preposterous.
Sandy: I wouldn't be asking if I didn't think she'd follow through on this. Look, it's one dinner. Crowded restaurant. Meet there. Kirsten and I will pick up the tab.
Neil: How horrible can it be?
Sandy: Trust me. It'll be horrible. I owe you.

The Pot StirrerEdit

Bill: Well, speaking for all of us, you two have done a great job. I only wish Caleb could have been here.
Sandy: Thanks, Bill. This project was close to his heart. He did have one, as it turns out.

Sandy: I spent a month practicing how to say "Dude."
Seth: You still say it kinda—

Kirsten: I just know that when you wooed me, there was no caviar and champagne, and you did alright.
Sandy: I should take Bill Merriam out for pizza and bad wine in the back of a mail truck.

Sandy: I balked at taking him out to dinner, but I'm totally cool about turning your apartment into a Playboy grotto.

The CliffhangerEdit

Sandy: How about this? How about we find a strategy that doesn't involve liquor or sexual favors?

Sandy: Who would have thought the Newport Group would be where I go for to a moment of Zen?
Kirsten: You know, sometimes this job makes you do a lot of hard thinking.
Sandy: I want this hospital more than I've wanted anything in a long time.
Kirsten: Then you can't let Matt's relationship with Maya Griffin stand in your way. For all you know, she could be using him too. Or they could live happily ever after. The point is, if you want this as bad as I think you do, you have to go for it.
Sandy: So where is the line?
Kirsten: I'm not worried about you knowing where the line is. You always do. It's who you are.

The Heavy LiftingEdit

Sandy: Who knew women's panties were such a minefield?
Seth: Don't say panties.

The JourneyEdit

Kirsten: Ryan, I forgot to ask. Do you have any request for your birthday on Sunday?
Seth: Sunday's your birthday?
Ryan: Thanks buddy.
Sandy: Not just any birthday. Ryan's turning 18. Becoming a fully franchised citizen of this great democratic experiment we call America.
Seth: Yes, we all know you went to law school. The important thing is we need a party.

Sandy: As of today we may no longer be your legal guardians, but you will always be part of this family.

Ryan: Hey, guys. There's somebody I'd like you to meet, Sadie. Sadie this is Sandy and Kirsten.
Sandy: Any friend of Ryan's... and it is so nice to know he has at least one here.

The UndertowEdit

Seth: Ugh. Get a room.
Sandy: Hey, count your blessings. Kids with affectionate parents grow up to be better adjusted sexually as adults.

The Secrets and LiesEdit

Kirsten: Hey handsome men!
Seth and Sandy: Where?
Seth: Ah, I just made the same joke as my dad. That's a bad sign.
Sandy: Your father happens to be hilarious. It's just hard to tell these days.

The Day After TomorrowEdit

Sandy: If you haven't resigned within 48 hours I will do everything in my power to take you down. And I was lying. Your forehand sucks!

The Dawn PatrolEdit

Sandy: You'd think after sending two kids to Harbor they could cough up more than two tickets per student.
Kirsten: He's just worried about The Nana.
Sandy: She is an excellent clapper.
Kirsten: She can do the two-finger whistle.
Seth: And she's never taken a picture out of focus.

Sandy: You're talking blackmail, it's not even noon yet.

The College TryEdit

Sandy: You told him?
Kirsten: I didn't think Ryan would come home.
Sandy: Oh, you know Ryan better than that.
Kirsten: It just happened. You weren't there. You had to take a business call.
Sandy: Oh, so you told Ryan about Theresa to punish me.

The Party FavorEdit

Kirsten: When are we gonna talk about us?
Sandy: In public again, or were you thinking about something a little more private this time?

The Man of The YearEdit

Sandy: They're calling the hospital phase one of Orange County's renaissance. They think it could be a model for responsible development for the entire country.
Kirsten: Responsible for development? Sandy, the only thing that's responsible for is a lot of sleepless nights and Matt Ramsey's black eye. You know my father was Man of the Year.
Sandy: The irony is not lost on me, believe me.

Summer: Oh my god. Mr. C. you totally scared me.
Sandy: Sometimes I scare myself, Summer.

Sandy: I want to talk to you.
Seth: Good. I want to talk to you.
Sandy: I love you, and I'm worried about you.
Seth: Right back atcha.
Sandy: You snoked pot in our home.
Seth: Would you rather I do it somewhere else? Like my college down?
Sandy: That would require you getting into college.
Seth: Do you think it's such a great idea me going away to college when mom's been drinking again?
Sandy: What are you talking about?
Seth: Maybe if you paid attention to anything other than that stupid hospital you'd notice mom's been out before dinner.
Sandy: Don't talk to your father like that.
Seth: That would require you to act like my father.

Copper: Who are you, his lawyer?
Sandy: I'm his father.

The GraduatesEdit

Sandy: Well, we both screwed up.
Seth: We're both usually so awesome.

Sandy: I know the last few years have been a roller coaster. There's been tragedy and comedy and first loves, broken hearts, family members we've lost and found. It hasn't all been perfect, but we're all a family here. So cheers.

Jason Spitz: Look, if you came to haggle me on the Ramirez plea, forget about it. I'm up to my ass in unhappy ADAs.
Sandy: No, I'm just passing through.
Jason Spitz: What, you've come to admire the wainscoting?
Sandy: This is my old office.
Jason Spitz: You're Sandy Cohen?
Sandy: My reputation precedes me?
Jason Spitz: Well, self-righteous, arrogant and a little nutso?
Sandy: I see that it does.
Jason Spitz: Jason Spitz.
Sandy: Nice to meet you.
Jason Spitz: Nice to meet you. You're a legend. Not to mention I heard about your post-victory karaoke bar performances.
Sandy: Defend the poor, sing the classics. I had a reputation and a routine.